Two months down...

Wow. I've been a published author for two months now, and let me tell you, it feels....weird.

Why? Because it still seems like a dream. Like a dream I have yet to fulfill, even when I'm holding my book in my hands.

Writing a book is hard. Believing in yourself enough to push through in order to bring that book to life is...hard. And the publishing journey is hella hard.

But something no one tells you after you've published--whether via self, traditionally, small press...however it gets out there--no one tells you that things just get HARDER.

Now, you have to market and advertise. You have to get your book out there to the readers, spread the information, BEG for reviews and exposure. Just so your book doesn't get lost in the almost-daily list of new ones hitting the scene.

But wait...you also have to find the time to write MORE. Just because the book has been published, doesn't mean the journey is over. It just means you have to keep that momentum up so you're not forgotten. So that when the next book comes out, people will know who you are.

Honestly...it's all very EXHAUSTING.

I spend my early mornings posting my graphics, blurb, and link to Threads for each person asking for new book recommendations. I make notes throughout the day of which graphics I need to create on Canva, and what they should be about, just to garner more exposure. I check my author portal CONSTANTLY to see any additional reviews or if my overall ranking has gone up or down. I update my author Instagram account to make sure I'm still engaging with the 500+ followers I already have, while dodging DMs from scammers who want to promote or review my book for a fee. [Nope...not paying for a review. That just gives me the icks.]

Then, there's my actual job because I can't afford to be a full-time author, no matter how much I would love to do so. Plus, add parenting duties, regular household tasks and medical appointments, along with wanting to actually spend time with my family. At some point, I'm supposed to fit writing into that schedule, but most of the time, that doesn't work.

And the weekends? Yeah, those get away from me really fast and the next thing I know, it's Monday again.

I also have this urge to sign up for book signing events, but can't commit due to fear that no one will come. And then, because I've waited so long, that opportunity closes and I'm left kicking myself for (once again) not believing in myself more.

But then...something AMAZING happens.

Someone buys my book.

Then they read it.

And then, they contact me about how much they love it. They send me screenshots of pages along with comments regarding how it makes them feel. About how much they can relate to the characters.

And that's when I'm reminded of why I started this whole thing.

Why I opened myself to the disappointment and possible failure.

Because of those moments. Those readers who saw what I was doing. Who felt what I was writing. And who sing my praise to others so they can also experience it.

It's those moments where I feel SEEN.

And it's why I will continue to carve out time in my busy life to jot down notes on sticky pads. To create voice memos in my phone for scenes that run through my head at the most inopportune times. To stay up late writing chapters because I can't interrupt the flow once it's started.

I do it for those readers who see the main characters as real people, and can find inspiration in how they overcame. How they cope. How they managed to find themselves, along with those who love them.

And I write to show my daughters that age means nothing when it comes to following your dreams. I want them to live their lives being who THEY want to be, and not what they think they're SUPPOSED to be. Carrying that weight of expectation is heavy and no one tells you that you can simply put it down.

It took me YEARS to figure that out.

But here I am.

Living out a dream I'd locked away over two decades ago. And my writing journey has allowed me to find MYSELF again.

And honestly, even though this author journey is exhausting and heartbreaking, I can't stop the ideas that pop into my head, or the words that flow through me. I've opened that door and there's no turning back now.

Yet, even if I could, I don't think I'll ever want to.

~ Aurelia St. James